Have never been this lost without feeling OK with it. Its a familiar feeling to me, being lost. Have felt it my whole life and been OK with it. But not today, and not the last week. Feeling anxiaty about leaving this place and these people. It feels very definitive this time.
Hmmm, maybe I'm getting old and fear loosing out or not being able to make it.
I'm sitting on the floor of an half empty room. The half that is empty is mine and the half that is here isn't.. So it'll stay. (getting old seems to be a reflection I'm making often these days.. maybe I'm finally starting to feel it).
I was going to leave for Porters today, and then tonight.. and then tomorrow. Hopefully it'll happen then. Or I might end up not going at all...
Were did my strength go?
Lost and powerless.. not a good combination!
Well emotions I guess you can call it. Emotions for people that you'd like to have around you most of the time and that you won't have.
Emotions are good and I specially, need to feel them fully. Or we all do! But some people are OK with feeling them just a little. Not me. Bring 'em on! Full power and ALL of them at the same time. The harder the better! But this time I wasn't as strong standing. I fell!
Falling is good though. You learn to pick yourself up. Or not. Still to find that one out this time.
Now its time for some dinner with my Kiwi family.
And then in the morning, OFF for new adventures again.
Peace Love and Strenth to You all.. and if you have some over, maybe send some my way!?
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Sea kayaking assessment done! ...DONE! DONE YOU HEAR! WoooHoooooo :-D
Been an interesting two and a half months with kayaking. First Sea2 with kayaksurfing and missions in Abel Tasman N.P and d'Urville Island. Great times! But Hard!
And then a couple of weeks in the classroom befor we set up a small company to take clients in Abel Tasman N.P again.
I've had a good four days of guiding a few days of observation trips and some SDL (Self Directed Learning) days... and then assessment.
Its been hard and the paperwork is rather big as well. But I pulled it off!
Feels like a come-back after a few injuries and tough times making it difficult!
So assessment was a GOOD day! And I was nackerd when I got home.. even went to bed early.. fell asleep to a film and woke up now at 5.34 am... Guess I needed a bit o sleep! But "uppe med tuppen"
Today is clean-up day and then there is a rumour about a party tonight.. might just have to go and have ONE beer!! ...or maybe two..
I've got 3 weeks winter holiday... what am I gonna do?? Earn some money and get economy back on track.. Yes!
Then good folks, its time for about two months in the snow for me.. Porter Heights watch out and be warned!! :-D
:-D PARTY TIME
Peace n Love
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Today was a great day.. Or most days are great days.. so today was marvelous day!
Woke up early to get ready for another day's kayaking.. half an hour befor I was to go I got a txt from my tutor saying its canceled today.. Too rough conditions out there and the clients had backed out. So a jumo and yell of joy, make some toast and tea and get back in bed watchin a movie..
Then it was off to Nelson for what it looked like only a couple of hours.. there couple of hours turned out to be a few hours and was spent wisely.. with about 5 minutes in the library getting some maps for the asignments.. and the rest in good company.
A short visit to get my new flash and very warm sleeping bag at R&R and then off to Sprig n Fern for a beer..
A beer vith a very dear friend later, it was sushi time.. hmmm, spoiling myself today!
This sushi has got to be the firts reall good and tasty restaurant food I have ever had here in New Zealand. It was amazing and hte atmosphere was great.. and the company the best!
So a day off school turmed out to be just what I needed. Its 21.44 now and I'm supposed to go to sleep for a few hour to wake up at 02.00 to watch the World Cup fotball game.. NZ is playing.. The All Whites! Guess I have to pull my weight and participate...
A long day thats gonna be even longer..
Thanks all beautiful people today for making my day!
Peace n Love
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